Time wounds all heels
Aug. 8th, 2008 11:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chronicpaintIn between the bouts or anger and homicidal urge, I'm trying to figure out just why I'm so upset about this. I mean, it wasn't even three weeks. Some really good dates, and some hot sex, but no commitment or promises made. I should just walk away, right?
The problem is, it was never clear that it was just "fun" We talked about the fact that we weren't really in the market for messing around, but were interested in being off the dating merry-go-round.
Then there was the "sit and talk for hours" thing. To me, that's a date thing, a "maybe there's something here" thing, not a "hey, wanna f*ck a couple of times?" thing.
But the thing that can be laid solely at my feet is the fact that I really liked him. To me, it didn't feel like other men I've seen or been out with or shagged. I honestly felt something deeper was going on, that there was potential there. I have been around enough to know the difference in my own perceptions of that. Or so I thought, anyway. Apparently, I'm in serious need of a tune-up in that regard.
I should have known that someone who struck me as that messed up back when we crossed paths three years ago wouldn't have changed. He may be medicated and stable, and not drinking any more, but the underlying personality was still there. Stupid me for thinking he had actually changed.
But the worst of all was the way he did it. Start off with doing it by instant message on Bear411 and then add the knife in the ribs comment of needing to focus his time and energy on finding a "good boyfriend". Talk about hitting below the belt and adding insult to injury. Like, what am I, @$$hole??? Talk about salt in the wound and hitting right on the most sensitive nerve.
Oh, well. As my friend, Sean, used to say: SCRAPE HIM OFF
And work on letting all of this stuff go
The problem is, it was never clear that it was just "fun" We talked about the fact that we weren't really in the market for messing around, but were interested in being off the dating merry-go-round.
Then there was the "sit and talk for hours" thing. To me, that's a date thing, a "maybe there's something here" thing, not a "hey, wanna f*ck a couple of times?" thing.
But the thing that can be laid solely at my feet is the fact that I really liked him. To me, it didn't feel like other men I've seen or been out with or shagged. I honestly felt something deeper was going on, that there was potential there. I have been around enough to know the difference in my own perceptions of that. Or so I thought, anyway. Apparently, I'm in serious need of a tune-up in that regard.
I should have known that someone who struck me as that messed up back when we crossed paths three years ago wouldn't have changed. He may be medicated and stable, and not drinking any more, but the underlying personality was still there. Stupid me for thinking he had actually changed.
But the worst of all was the way he did it. Start off with doing it by instant message on Bear411 and then add the knife in the ribs comment of needing to focus his time and energy on finding a "good boyfriend". Talk about hitting below the belt and adding insult to injury. Like, what am I, @$$hole??? Talk about salt in the wound and hitting right on the most sensitive nerve.
Oh, well. As my friend, Sean, used to say: SCRAPE HIM OFF
And work on letting all of this stuff go
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2008-08-08 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2008-08-08 08:50 pm (UTC)