Tuesday will bite yo ass
Aug. 17th, 2010 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chronicpaint Forget Monday, Tuesday was what sucker punched me this week. I managed to forget both my lunch date with my friend, John and my doctor's appointment until the last minute. So I packed and took a lunch, not even realizing my booking until my phone chirped at me. So, I'm frazzled already.
I made it to the hospital, got my x-rays and waited and waited. Was about two hours past my appointment time before I saw the doc. Good news though, everything is fine. Stem looks solid and this is a better prosthesis than the old one.
But then, he said something to the residents that were following him around. I can't remember the wording exactly, but it was something to the effect of how few people survive synovial sarcoma that metastasizes to the lungs like mine did. And then he said something like "And then every once in a while you get someone like Stephen"
I don't know why it still brings me up short. I know what happened. I know what I endured. But to have it spelled out so clearly that the odds were so high against me actually surviving is.... I don't know. Scary? How can it be frightening when it ended seven years ago? It just took the wind out of my sails. Maybe to know how close the bullet came. That my life now is this amazing, lucky gift that fell from the sky. That everything I fought and bled and puked for was worth it.
When Dr. Wunder came in, the first thing he said was that it was funny me being there since he got an email from my friend whose son may have bone cancer. It's so like her. Just seize the reins and contact him directly and drop my name. She says her docs there have a lot of respect for him and she wants him to take the case on if at all possible. I've offered her my couch and my home if she needs it. I trust Dr. W. With my life, since he gave it back to me.
I was supposed to have a date with the Skype guy tonight. We chatted briefly last night and something he said put me off a bit, but I just let it go. Then, after the schmozzle today, he messaged me on MSN. We'd been back and forth a bit. I said, let's go for a drink. He said he doesn't drink. He said let's go to a movie, but after my day, I said let's go for a coffee and talk. He said he's over the cafe thing (??) and was there a park nearby where we could go for a walk. There isn't really and he said something about me making things difficult.
And I kinda snapped a little bit. I said something a bit snippy in return and said I was tired and emotional after my day (which was completely true) and logged off MSN, closed Skype and walked away from my computer. He texted me (he doesn't have a text plan) and I replied I needed some quiet time, but he apparently didn't get it.
There are a lot of things that are very different about us, and I have no idea if they're surmountable, and I composed an apology via email stating some of what I was feeling about all those differences.
And then he drove down from Brampton to see if I was okay. I gave him a hug and tried to explain, but I don't think he got it. He just said, "So you were lucky|" Which is only a mere part of it all. But I gave him a hug and a kiss.
Don't know what comes next after this. Other than sleep. Night night.
I made it to the hospital, got my x-rays and waited and waited. Was about two hours past my appointment time before I saw the doc. Good news though, everything is fine. Stem looks solid and this is a better prosthesis than the old one.
But then, he said something to the residents that were following him around. I can't remember the wording exactly, but it was something to the effect of how few people survive synovial sarcoma that metastasizes to the lungs like mine did. And then he said something like "And then every once in a while you get someone like Stephen"
I don't know why it still brings me up short. I know what happened. I know what I endured. But to have it spelled out so clearly that the odds were so high against me actually surviving is.... I don't know. Scary? How can it be frightening when it ended seven years ago? It just took the wind out of my sails. Maybe to know how close the bullet came. That my life now is this amazing, lucky gift that fell from the sky. That everything I fought and bled and puked for was worth it.
When Dr. Wunder came in, the first thing he said was that it was funny me being there since he got an email from my friend whose son may have bone cancer. It's so like her. Just seize the reins and contact him directly and drop my name. She says her docs there have a lot of respect for him and she wants him to take the case on if at all possible. I've offered her my couch and my home if she needs it. I trust Dr. W. With my life, since he gave it back to me.
I was supposed to have a date with the Skype guy tonight. We chatted briefly last night and something he said put me off a bit, but I just let it go. Then, after the schmozzle today, he messaged me on MSN. We'd been back and forth a bit. I said, let's go for a drink. He said he doesn't drink. He said let's go to a movie, but after my day, I said let's go for a coffee and talk. He said he's over the cafe thing (??) and was there a park nearby where we could go for a walk. There isn't really and he said something about me making things difficult.
And I kinda snapped a little bit. I said something a bit snippy in return and said I was tired and emotional after my day (which was completely true) and logged off MSN, closed Skype and walked away from my computer. He texted me (he doesn't have a text plan) and I replied I needed some quiet time, but he apparently didn't get it.
There are a lot of things that are very different about us, and I have no idea if they're surmountable, and I composed an apology via email stating some of what I was feeling about all those differences.
And then he drove down from Brampton to see if I was okay. I gave him a hug and tried to explain, but I don't think he got it. He just said, "So you were lucky|" Which is only a mere part of it all. But I gave him a hug and a kiss.
Don't know what comes next after this. Other than sleep. Night night.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2010-08-18 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-18 11:28 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-18 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-18 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-19 05:10 am (UTC)and wow, what a day.
no subject
on 2010-08-19 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-19 05:11 am (UTC)what a fabulous statement. I'm going to have to steal it. I hope that's okay.