Saturday night.
Jul. 26th, 2008 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chronicpaintI've been quiet on here for a while now. And there has been a lot going on this week, and a lot on my mind. I guess I've been a bit involved in living my life rather than talking about it.
Have you ever felt like your life is on the verge of changing, and not just some piddly little, trim your facial hair change, but something deep and far reaching? It can be an intense feeling and one I'm not sure I like much. I find change hard. I don't shy from it or try to avoid it, but I find it complex and mildly traumatic. It makes me antsy when my comfort is challenged, even if it needs to be.
And I've been through some major changes in the last decade.
This week, I went for my second interviews for the job at Indigo. I had to write some sample blurbs (and let me tell you, condensing info down to 45 words is not easy) and I met with two people higher up. As usual, I think I completely blew it, but my perceptions are skewed. I thought I blew the first interview, and I ended up getting a second. I think I got flustered a bit and, to my own ears at least, sounded unsure of myself. But I did what I could. I know they want someone to take on a more analytical role, to take more control and by watching margins and such, make decisions on what to feature and how much to discount. As the Director of Entertainment said, be both tastemaker as well as push the items that are financially sound to push. Could I do the analysis, yes I could. I'd need to brush up on some things and learn some new ones, but I could totally take it on. Now whether they see that, I don't know.
So, I'm just going to let it go. Nothing I can do anymore. It's completely out of my hands now. I get twinges of "why did I say that?" but they pass.
The more significant thing that happened to me, is that I met someone last weekend. We had been talking online for a while and I met him in person a few years ago at a bar when he was drunk and he was flirting with me a bit. We got together for coffee last weekend and talked for about 4 1/2 hours. Then ran into each other online about an hour or so later and chatted for another two hours. Then there were a couple of text messages on Monday. And more chatting online. Which continued over the next few days. We got together for coffee on Thursday night and just talked and laughed. And we held hands at one point. And there were a couple of lovely, fairly chaste but excellent kisses. I had to leave early to be home somason5280 could come and do a little handyman job for me, but that hour and a half was great!
On the surface, we have nothing in common. He likes video games and snowboarding and I don't. I like crosswords and art and he doesn't . But underneath, our attitudes seem to jibe. We laugh at the same things and a lot. We seem to want the same thing and seem to be wanting it from each other. I like that it has moved slowly, that we didn't just hump like bunnies right away. The feeling was there, but we talked and joked and just let it be. And that means a lot to me. I don't know what it is, but I like it and I like being near him.
We're getting together tomorrow and I feel a little giddy and excited, and a little nervous. Unlike so many other dates, this one matters. I want this little simmer of wanting to go on. It matters to me what he thinks, that he is interested and attractive. It would matter to me if he changed his mind, if this petered or flamed out in a blaze. I don't want that.
I will keep you posted on developments.
And I am trying to remember that Mona's rule (You can have a hot job, a hot lover and a hot apartment, but never all three at the same time) doesn't necessarily have to come true.
Have you ever felt like your life is on the verge of changing, and not just some piddly little, trim your facial hair change, but something deep and far reaching? It can be an intense feeling and one I'm not sure I like much. I find change hard. I don't shy from it or try to avoid it, but I find it complex and mildly traumatic. It makes me antsy when my comfort is challenged, even if it needs to be.
And I've been through some major changes in the last decade.
This week, I went for my second interviews for the job at Indigo. I had to write some sample blurbs (and let me tell you, condensing info down to 45 words is not easy) and I met with two people higher up. As usual, I think I completely blew it, but my perceptions are skewed. I thought I blew the first interview, and I ended up getting a second. I think I got flustered a bit and, to my own ears at least, sounded unsure of myself. But I did what I could. I know they want someone to take on a more analytical role, to take more control and by watching margins and such, make decisions on what to feature and how much to discount. As the Director of Entertainment said, be both tastemaker as well as push the items that are financially sound to push. Could I do the analysis, yes I could. I'd need to brush up on some things and learn some new ones, but I could totally take it on. Now whether they see that, I don't know.
So, I'm just going to let it go. Nothing I can do anymore. It's completely out of my hands now. I get twinges of "why did I say that?" but they pass.
The more significant thing that happened to me, is that I met someone last weekend. We had been talking online for a while and I met him in person a few years ago at a bar when he was drunk and he was flirting with me a bit. We got together for coffee last weekend and talked for about 4 1/2 hours. Then ran into each other online about an hour or so later and chatted for another two hours. Then there were a couple of text messages on Monday. And more chatting online. Which continued over the next few days. We got together for coffee on Thursday night and just talked and laughed. And we held hands at one point. And there were a couple of lovely, fairly chaste but excellent kisses. I had to leave early to be home so
mason5280 could come and do a little handyman job for me, but that hour and a half was great!On the surface, we have nothing in common. He likes video games and snowboarding and I don't. I like crosswords and art and he doesn't . But underneath, our attitudes seem to jibe. We laugh at the same things and a lot. We seem to want the same thing and seem to be wanting it from each other. I like that it has moved slowly, that we didn't just hump like bunnies right away. The feeling was there, but we talked and joked and just let it be. And that means a lot to me. I don't know what it is, but I like it and I like being near him.
We're getting together tomorrow and I feel a little giddy and excited, and a little nervous. Unlike so many other dates, this one matters. I want this little simmer of wanting to go on. It matters to me what he thinks, that he is interested and attractive. It would matter to me if he changed his mind, if this petered or flamed out in a blaze. I don't want that.
I will keep you posted on developments.
And I am trying to remember that Mona's rule (You can have a hot job, a hot lover and a hot apartment, but never all three at the same time) doesn't necessarily have to come true.