What's too painful to remember....
Nov. 26th, 2008 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chronicpaintI've just finished watching Torchwood series 2 again. They really stepped up their game after the wobbly series 1. Some brutal stories, beautifully written and acted. It's not a happy show, but I think that's what I admire the most about it. Like Doctor Who, it's about doing what's right, taking the high road and protecting those who need it. But what I've always loved about TW is the sense that the characters are just on the edge of losing the battle. Their nobility is even stronger for being so close to the edge. Despite what it costs them, they do what's right, what needs to be done. That sense of them only just hanging on by their fingernails, and yet facing it nobly and bravely is what holds me. How they hold to each other in the face of the Rift and what it lets loose on their world.
Today, my mood went south on me. By late afternoon, I was grumpy. What triggered it was seeing someone who was on a short term contract (someone who has the most cluelessly offensive sense of humour and seems to barely understand what we actually do) have his contract extended. To the tune of a government salary around 40% higher than mine as a mere staffing company phone monkey. There's a fundamental inequity where I work and it wears on us all. There's only so committed you can be when, ultimately, you're a second class citizen.
Then, after work, I went to Silver Snail to pick up the new issue of Wonder Woman. I ran into the guy who, through no fault of his own, ended up doing my job at Indigo after I was tossed out. He started as our summer intern, then because of his degree and the fact that he was tractable, and didn't argue or question any decisions, became the coordinator that I had been while I waited for my "new improved role" that turned into a pink slip. The thing is, he's a good kid. Smart, creative, and I actually like him. But it was painful to stand there and make small talk. To try and describe my mediocre L.A.I (Life After Indigo) I thought the wounds had healed, but it was like the grind of broken bone that hasn't healed right. That year was horrible and, like so many things, I don't know if I healed or if I just learned to carry the weight. If I just kept on going, because there was no other option.
I think that's the Torchwood connection, why it resonates with me. Like them, like everyone, I guess, we're all just trying to do what we have to do. To fight the good fight as best we can. Try to be the best we can be. despite the blows and the bruises and the broken, scraping bone. To deal with the loneliness and disappointment, the mediocre jobs and broken hearts and keep a smile on our faces.
Holding our heads up and standing tall. Just shifting the weight until we can take another step
Today, my mood went south on me. By late afternoon, I was grumpy. What triggered it was seeing someone who was on a short term contract (someone who has the most cluelessly offensive sense of humour and seems to barely understand what we actually do) have his contract extended. To the tune of a government salary around 40% higher than mine as a mere staffing company phone monkey. There's a fundamental inequity where I work and it wears on us all. There's only so committed you can be when, ultimately, you're a second class citizen.
Then, after work, I went to Silver Snail to pick up the new issue of Wonder Woman. I ran into the guy who, through no fault of his own, ended up doing my job at Indigo after I was tossed out. He started as our summer intern, then because of his degree and the fact that he was tractable, and didn't argue or question any decisions, became the coordinator that I had been while I waited for my "new improved role" that turned into a pink slip. The thing is, he's a good kid. Smart, creative, and I actually like him. But it was painful to stand there and make small talk. To try and describe my mediocre L.A.I (Life After Indigo) I thought the wounds had healed, but it was like the grind of broken bone that hasn't healed right. That year was horrible and, like so many things, I don't know if I healed or if I just learned to carry the weight. If I just kept on going, because there was no other option.
I think that's the Torchwood connection, why it resonates with me. Like them, like everyone, I guess, we're all just trying to do what we have to do. To fight the good fight as best we can. Try to be the best we can be. despite the blows and the bruises and the broken, scraping bone. To deal with the loneliness and disappointment, the mediocre jobs and broken hearts and keep a smile on our faces.
Holding our heads up and standing tall. Just shifting the weight until we can take another step
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no subject
on 2008-11-27 07:47 am (UTC)Ah life, isn't it fantastic!?
;)
no subject
on 2008-11-27 12:45 pm (UTC)Beats the hell out of the alternative ;)
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on 2008-11-27 01:36 pm (UTC)I've been reading your lj for a while now and figured it was time just to add you, by the way; particularly since we seem to have as many LJ pals in common as we do people offline. *grin* That, however, is a mystery for another Latte, I mean, day.
Have a beautiful one!
no subject
on 2008-11-27 01:51 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2008-11-27 01:12 pm (UTC)I love Doctor Who because it balanced both the dark and light and I adore the Sarah Jane Adventures because it shows the world optimism and hope through the eyes of a child and no matter how old or jaded you may become, you can always recover your youth and innocence.
If you haven't already, I highly implore you to also check out Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Angel especially has a darker adult tone like Torchwood did and a lot of what they're doing now in TW, Angel did first and in many respects did it better.
It definitely got me through some dark times and I think it'll do the same for you.
no subject
on 2008-11-27 01:51 pm (UTC)