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Leaving on a jet plane
Jul. 22nd, 2010 12:29 pmTonight at 9. Feel a bit jangly about it. Not sure why. Never been afraid of flying. Will be good to see everyone.
It may be the thought of being "on display" There will be a flood of comments on the gait improvement and the cane and the beard. There may even be the "OMG you have to meet this person that I've told everything about you too so they can gush over you too" Which is cool, but sometimes kinda squicky too. I'm the Trained Cancer Seal. Trot him out and he'll be brave for you!
Maybe this connects up with the "feeling ordinary" post. The ZOMG I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING kinda makes it hard to feel ordinary.
I have most of my clothes packed, though of the two suitcases I borrowed, the small one is too small and the big one is too big. I think I may need to pare down. Do I really need close toed shoes? Have my netbook, iPod, phone and beard trimmer, along with all requisite chargers. *shudders a little at my carbon footprint* Have some books to read, a book of crosswords and a blank journal.
I've set a goal to write every day. Something. Even if it's just paper journal ramblings. As well as get back to the novel revisions. I've found that sometimes I hesitate to write here, because what I want to see is too intimate or naked to share in a public forum. And the internet is a public forum. Plus, I have trouble hitting the correct tone for Twitter/Facebook writing. I can't quite get the glib thing right, and sometimes I'm too emotional in what I say. I'm hoping that just sitting with pen and paper might help free something up inside me. And I've always loved the physical act of writing, of moving my hand and ending up with words. I miss it.
Apropos of absolutely nothing, I feel sometimes like I'm not a loving person. I just know how to act in a loving way. Does that make any sense?
It may be the thought of being "on display" There will be a flood of comments on the gait improvement and the cane and the beard. There may even be the "OMG you have to meet this person that I've told everything about you too so they can gush over you too" Which is cool, but sometimes kinda squicky too. I'm the Trained Cancer Seal. Trot him out and he'll be brave for you!
Maybe this connects up with the "feeling ordinary" post. The ZOMG I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING kinda makes it hard to feel ordinary.
I have most of my clothes packed, though of the two suitcases I borrowed, the small one is too small and the big one is too big. I think I may need to pare down. Do I really need close toed shoes? Have my netbook, iPod, phone and beard trimmer, along with all requisite chargers. *shudders a little at my carbon footprint* Have some books to read, a book of crosswords and a blank journal.
I've set a goal to write every day. Something. Even if it's just paper journal ramblings. As well as get back to the novel revisions. I've found that sometimes I hesitate to write here, because what I want to see is too intimate or naked to share in a public forum. And the internet is a public forum. Plus, I have trouble hitting the correct tone for Twitter/Facebook writing. I can't quite get the glib thing right, and sometimes I'm too emotional in what I say. I'm hoping that just sitting with pen and paper might help free something up inside me. And I've always loved the physical act of writing, of moving my hand and ending up with words. I miss it.
Apropos of absolutely nothing, I feel sometimes like I'm not a loving person. I just know how to act in a loving way. Does that make any sense?