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Letting go
Jan. 24th, 2010 02:54 pmYesterday, I found out two things. The Boy, who has been ignoring my texts and messages is dating someone else now. The things we learn from Facebook. And when I texted another guy I've been crushing on a bit, I discovered that he was now seeing someone I am vaguely acquainted with through other friends. Someone who is actually kind of a dick.
The Boy was easily dealt with. It was odd to actually hit the wall. To realize that there was nothing in it for me any more. Like I posted to Facebook: "You know it's time to leave when you realize the other person won't even notice you're gone" So, I purged him and several others from my Facebook. I deleted his number from my phone, his addy from my MSN and his photos from my hard drive. And after a bit of an emotion purge, I feel better about it. Unencumbered, like a weight has been removed from my shoulders or from around my legs.
As for the other guy, well, he at least was worried about losing my friendship, was concerned about how I would react to knowing he was dating the dickhead. He seems committed to the burgeoning friendship we have. We'll see how long he can take this other guy before it all blows up.
I have realized I try too hard to win and hold the esteem of men who aren't worthy of me. And it's time to stop. This is becoming a month of housecleaning. Literal and figurative.
In the more mundane news, I bought a new netbook last weekend. A new Asus EEE pc. The Acer I had was a Linux model and was too hard to upgrade software on. The new EEE has Windows 7 on it and a super powerful battery. They claim upwards of 10 hours under perfect conditions, so should do me just fine. Sold the Acer to a buddy of mine at work, which eased the debt for this one ;)
Saw Rent on Friday night, the Broadway tour with three of the original cast members in it. My first time seeing it on stage. Have the original cast disc, the movie soundtrack, the movie on DVD and the final Broadway performance on DVD. Have I mentioned I really love the show? Went with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kaleekolai and torontomame and we make a good trio for social things. I'm glad I brought them together.
I feel a shift, a change in the universe. A groundswell of something inside. I'm not sure what it means. I want to believe in unconditional love, that I can be the one that is always there for the people in my life and will stand by them. But at the same time, I don't feel I should be taken for granted, that the love I have should be valued, cherished. Returned, even if not with the intensity of emotion I offer. There must be some quid pro quo, some give and take. But is it unconditional love at that point? I don't know. But I want to find my path through it.
I watched The Kite Runner last night. I almost didn't because I didn't think I'd like it. I was very wrong. Now I need to read the book, fill in the rest of the story. And the lead actor was absolutely beautiful. I was struck by the one line that goes to the heart of the story, which you will understand if you've seen it.
"For you, a thousand times over."
The Boy was easily dealt with. It was odd to actually hit the wall. To realize that there was nothing in it for me any more. Like I posted to Facebook: "You know it's time to leave when you realize the other person won't even notice you're gone" So, I purged him and several others from my Facebook. I deleted his number from my phone, his addy from my MSN and his photos from my hard drive. And after a bit of an emotion purge, I feel better about it. Unencumbered, like a weight has been removed from my shoulders or from around my legs.
As for the other guy, well, he at least was worried about losing my friendship, was concerned about how I would react to knowing he was dating the dickhead. He seems committed to the burgeoning friendship we have. We'll see how long he can take this other guy before it all blows up.
I have realized I try too hard to win and hold the esteem of men who aren't worthy of me. And it's time to stop. This is becoming a month of housecleaning. Literal and figurative.
In the more mundane news, I bought a new netbook last weekend. A new Asus EEE pc. The Acer I had was a Linux model and was too hard to upgrade software on. The new EEE has Windows 7 on it and a super powerful battery. They claim upwards of 10 hours under perfect conditions, so should do me just fine. Sold the Acer to a buddy of mine at work, which eased the debt for this one ;)
Saw Rent on Friday night, the Broadway tour with three of the original cast members in it. My first time seeing it on stage. Have the original cast disc, the movie soundtrack, the movie on DVD and the final Broadway performance on DVD. Have I mentioned I really love the show? Went with
kaleekolai and torontomame and we make a good trio for social things. I'm glad I brought them together.I feel a shift, a change in the universe. A groundswell of something inside. I'm not sure what it means. I want to believe in unconditional love, that I can be the one that is always there for the people in my life and will stand by them. But at the same time, I don't feel I should be taken for granted, that the love I have should be valued, cherished. Returned, even if not with the intensity of emotion I offer. There must be some quid pro quo, some give and take. But is it unconditional love at that point? I don't know. But I want to find my path through it.
I watched The Kite Runner last night. I almost didn't because I didn't think I'd like it. I was very wrong. Now I need to read the book, fill in the rest of the story. And the lead actor was absolutely beautiful. I was struck by the one line that goes to the heart of the story, which you will understand if you've seen it.
"For you, a thousand times over."