Grumble, grumble
Aug. 31st, 2010 01:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chronicpaintI am in the worst head space today and I can't put my finger on what it is. There are possibilities, I guess
Dating is so exhausting. The games people play and the complicated tap dance that goes on and on and on. Just be honest, for chrissake! I am so tired of feeling like I'm in this alone. And everywhere I turn, I see people getting into new relationships seemingly within minutes of the end of their last one. I think I know what I want. I want to feel connected. I want to feel like someone "gets" me, understands what makes me tick, if only partially. I want to like someone who doesn't just sit there and expect me to do the work and make the calls an the overtures and the decisions. If I say "hey, we should get together. When are you free?" Then give me an option or two an we'll work it out. If I ask you point blank if you're free on a certain day, don't ignore me. Meet me half way.
Despite my ranting about the Facebookification of the world, I want to be able to switch my status to "...is in a relationship with..." The depth of the need kind of sickens me a little.
I feel old today. I feel every one of my forty-seven years, and like I've frittered most of them away with little to show. I wanted to be published by now (one of my novels, I mean) I wanted to be married and settled down by now.
I feel like I'm an afterthought.
The city is sweltering under smog and humidity. The air feels almost like it's shrinking in around me. But, despite it, I can feel summer starting to die. I'm not creating. Other than the revisions that the editor/reader asked for, I'm not writing. Other than a small postcard for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
eloquentwthrage I'm not painting.
Whinge, whinge, whinge
Just pulling on through this mood until it passes. Dentist appointment after work and then yet another first date. This one with a stand-up comedian. So hopefully, he can make me laugh.
It's not all bad, though. The editor/reader sent me a message yesterday on FB and told me that, though the decision to publish doesn't lie with him, he's enjoying Chasing Cold. That made me feel good.
Dating is so exhausting. The games people play and the complicated tap dance that goes on and on and on. Just be honest, for chrissake! I am so tired of feeling like I'm in this alone. And everywhere I turn, I see people getting into new relationships seemingly within minutes of the end of their last one. I think I know what I want. I want to feel connected. I want to feel like someone "gets" me, understands what makes me tick, if only partially. I want to like someone who doesn't just sit there and expect me to do the work and make the calls an the overtures and the decisions. If I say "hey, we should get together. When are you free?" Then give me an option or two an we'll work it out. If I ask you point blank if you're free on a certain day, don't ignore me. Meet me half way.
Despite my ranting about the Facebookification of the world, I want to be able to switch my status to "...is in a relationship with..." The depth of the need kind of sickens me a little.
I feel old today. I feel every one of my forty-seven years, and like I've frittered most of them away with little to show. I wanted to be published by now (one of my novels, I mean) I wanted to be married and settled down by now.
I feel like I'm an afterthought.
The city is sweltering under smog and humidity. The air feels almost like it's shrinking in around me. But, despite it, I can feel summer starting to die. I'm not creating. Other than the revisions that the editor/reader asked for, I'm not writing. Other than a small postcard for
eloquentwthrage I'm not painting. Whinge, whinge, whinge
Just pulling on through this mood until it passes. Dentist appointment after work and then yet another first date. This one with a stand-up comedian. So hopefully, he can make me laugh.
It's not all bad, though. The editor/reader sent me a message yesterday on FB and told me that, though the decision to publish doesn't lie with him, he's enjoying Chasing Cold. That made me feel good.