chronicpaint (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chronicpaint) wrote2009-01-09 06:34 pm
chronicpaint) wrote2009-01-09 06:34 pm
Crikey
Having invited some of my new LJ friends to partake of my TMI filter and being invited on to theirs in return, I say this: You are going to find me so dull. I think we're playing in completely different ballparks.
It's easy to forget that, while talking about somebody I had sex with is out there for me, there is so much I don't partake in. It just isn't me. As I said to one person earlier today, part of this is my relationship to pain. I was never much for mixing sex with pain anyway, but one of the prime characteristics of my experience with cancer was pain. Chemo makes you sick and ugly, but mine wasn't painful. Neither was the radiation.
But the surgeries. Cutting through bone and muscle and flesh hurts, like I can't begin to describe. When they were done with my leg, the joint was gone and everything was held together with well over a hundred staples. When I got out of the brace three months later, the leg was so frozen, it wouldn't bend and a good chunk of my physio consisted of me with my physio taking hold and forcing it to bend. Several times a day for four months.
When they cut through my back for the last lung surgery, it took an epidural AND oxycontin before it was bearable.
I can't conceive of actually seeking out pain.
But know that any differences we have will never affect how I think of you or change my respect for you. My path isn't your path, and neither is better or worse than the other.
All I ask is don't tease me for how dull I am ;)
It's easy to forget that, while talking about somebody I had sex with is out there for me, there is so much I don't partake in. It just isn't me. As I said to one person earlier today, part of this is my relationship to pain. I was never much for mixing sex with pain anyway, but one of the prime characteristics of my experience with cancer was pain. Chemo makes you sick and ugly, but mine wasn't painful. Neither was the radiation.
But the surgeries. Cutting through bone and muscle and flesh hurts, like I can't begin to describe. When they were done with my leg, the joint was gone and everything was held together with well over a hundred staples. When I got out of the brace three months later, the leg was so frozen, it wouldn't bend and a good chunk of my physio consisted of me with my physio taking hold and forcing it to bend. Several times a day for four months.
When they cut through my back for the last lung surgery, it took an epidural AND oxycontin before it was bearable.
I can't conceive of actually seeking out pain.
But know that any differences we have will never affect how I think of you or change my respect for you. My path isn't your path, and neither is better or worse than the other.
All I ask is don't tease me for how dull I am ;)