chronicpaint: (Default)
...until I am off for 11 days (well, only 5 work days, but carefully arranged ones).  And not a moment too soon. Been a morning of "Will the government give me free money to start my lame@$$ business?" calls.

I can't wait to have a legitimate excuse to just not be here for over a week.

No real plans, other than painting (I owe someone a commission) and maybe wandering around the city, sitting in cafes in new neighbourhoods writing. I really need to disconnect my brain for a bit.

Been reading other people's stories in Desolate Places. Some good pieces. Some I don't like as much. And my inner editor started whispering in my ear in a few places making me want to clean up sentences here and there for flow and clarity. Maybe there's an untapped opportunity there  ;)

On the not so good front, I really pissed off an online acquaintance on Saturday. He just went through an ugly, drawn out relationship ending that, to be fair, he kind of brought on himself by giving heart and soul to someone he knew couldn't commit the way he wanted him to. And when he started on the "I only want sex with strangers whose names I don't know because I can't trust anyone any more" I kind of called him out on it. Which would have been less bad if it was one of my friends, who all know that I'll be the one that doesn't sugarcoat. But I'd never actually met him yet. Well, he flipped out and hasn't been on 411 since then. I feel bad that I hurt him, but he wanted to be honest about his feelings with me, but didn't want to offer me the same courtesy. The interesting thing is that in the past, I would have fallen apart at the idea that someone didn't like me or was mad at me. I would have fallen all over myself to apologize and make it right. I mean, I did apologize but he doesn't seem willing to accept it. (Part of me is saying methinks the lady doth protest too much) and I realize there's nothing else I can do.

But it raises the question, and this is from my perspective of having not been in love in a long time: Is love something you can't control, even if the person in question treats you like sh*t? I've always believed, like M. Scott Peck, that "True love is not a feeling by which one is overwhelmed, but a committed, thoughtful decision"  I don't know that I could love someone who treated me badly. Of course, half the time, I think my heart has just atrophied in that way.  Thoughts from the flist?

And on the topic of complicated relationships, I was chatting with Marriedman on the weekend. He's still sleeping in the guest room, until the house can be sold this summer and he can begin living on his own in preparation for the divorce. He let slip that he had feelings for me, that if he was free, he would like to act on, but until then, he can't. And it was kind of sweet. It made me feel good. Because, (and I may be basing this solely on the earthshattering sexual chemistry) he's the person that I thought, hey, if he was free, I'd date him, see if there was anything there. I'm not stupid and I'm definitely not in love with him. But I have a feeling that the potential exists in a way it hasn't with anyone else I've seen or gone out with. And it's a "maybe" that feels nice.

On a purely superficial note, I ordered a new phone yesterday. Telus is giving me a free LG Chocolate Flip for re-upping my contract


And I'm just waiting on my tax refund to decide if I can or should make a small furniture purchase to replace the borrowed love seat in my living room.

In closing, for today's Aural Fixation, is a song I have always loved. It's super exuberant and always makes me feel good.  Let's Go by Wang Chung

chronicpaint: (Default)
...until I am off for 11 days (well, only 5 work days, but carefully arranged ones).  And not a moment too soon. Been a morning of "Will the government give me free money to start my lame@$$ business?" calls.

I can't wait to have a legitimate excuse to just not be here for over a week.

No real plans, other than painting (I owe someone a commission) and maybe wandering around the city, sitting in cafes in new neighbourhoods writing. I really need to disconnect my brain for a bit.

Been reading other people's stories in Desolate Places. Some good pieces. Some I don't like as much. And my inner editor started whispering in my ear in a few places making me want to clean up sentences here and there for flow and clarity. Maybe there's an untapped opportunity there  ;)

On the not so good front, I really pissed off an online acquaintance on Saturday. He just went through an ugly, drawn out relationship ending that, to be fair, he kind of brought on himself by giving heart and soul to someone he knew couldn't commit the way he wanted him to. And when he started on the "I only want sex with strangers whose names I don't know because I can't trust anyone any more" I kind of called him out on it. Which would have been less bad if it was one of my friends, who all know that I'll be the one that doesn't sugarcoat. But I'd never actually met him yet. Well, he flipped out and hasn't been on 411 since then. I feel bad that I hurt him, but he wanted to be honest about his feelings with me, but didn't want to offer me the same courtesy. The interesting thing is that in the past, I would have fallen apart at the idea that someone didn't like me or was mad at me. I would have fallen all over myself to apologize and make it right. I mean, I did apologize but he doesn't seem willing to accept it. (Part of me is saying methinks the lady doth protest too much) and I realize there's nothing else I can do.

But it raises the question, and this is from my perspective of having not been in love in a long time: Is love something you can't control, even if the person in question treats you like sh*t? I've always believed, like M. Scott Peck, that "True love is not a feeling by which one is overwhelmed, but a committed, thoughtful decision"  I don't know that I could love someone who treated me badly. Of course, half the time, I think my heart has just atrophied in that way.  Thoughts from the flist?

And on the topic of complicated relationships, I was chatting with Marriedman on the weekend. He's still sleeping in the guest room, until the house can be sold this summer and he can begin living on his own in preparation for the divorce. He let slip that he had feelings for me, that if he was free, he would like to act on, but until then, he can't. And it was kind of sweet. It made me feel good. Because, (and I may be basing this solely on the earthshattering sexual chemistry) he's the person that I thought, hey, if he was free, I'd date him, see if there was anything there. I'm not stupid and I'm definitely not in love with him. But I have a feeling that the potential exists in a way it hasn't with anyone else I've seen or gone out with. And it's a "maybe" that feels nice.

On a purely superficial note, I ordered a new phone yesterday. Telus is giving me a free LG Chocolate Flip for re-upping my contract


And I'm just waiting on my tax refund to decide if I can or should make a small furniture purchase to replace the borrowed love seat in my living room.

In closing, for today's Aural Fixation, is a song I have always loved. It's super exuberant and always makes me feel good.  Let's Go by Wang Chung

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January 2012

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