chronicpaint: (Default)
[personal profile] chronicpaint
After chatting online, we met and had amazing sex. The second time we met, he told me that we weren't boyfriend material, but more benefit friends. Fine, points for honesty. We connected a few times and then he got into a relationship that he and his partner wanted to keep closed. Again, fine. I wished him well and we corresponded occasionally on FB and via text.

Then, when that relationship started to go bad, the sext messages started. One day, when he was free and unhappy, he came to my bed again. And left with us both feeling unhappy about it, him guilty, me kinda cheap and dirty.

Our friendship stayed, that relationship died. He came to see me in the hospital last year, sitting with me in the Emergency Room after the fracture.

We stayed in touch. He met someone else and a new relationship started. Not closed this time, but he devoted his attention to it. And then the sexts started again. At one point, I told him I couldn't do it, that I couldn't be the also ran; the guy good enough to get naked with but not date. He understood and all was quiet a while.

But then he started to text me about the cracks in his new relationship. The partner's alcoholism and verbal abuse. They'd moved in together and shared bank accounts and the ties were wound tightly around them both.

I saw the pattern, recognized it for what it was, but gave in, whether out of desire or nostalgia or compassion, and he came to me yesterday. I gave myself to it, using my tongue to elicit my favourite kind of sex sounds. I made him cum, then held him as he talked about it all, then made him cum again. I don't know what he'll decide.

And I remain the one that wasn't right for him, and yet the one he always orbits back to when the ones that do seem to be right for him prove to be wrong.

Or maybe I'm just the safe port in the storm. Which isn't bad to be.

Sometimes.
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chronicpaint

January 2012

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