chronicpaint: (Default)
[personal profile] chronicpaint
After chatting online, we met and had amazing sex. The second time we met, he told me that we weren't boyfriend material, but more benefit friends. Fine, points for honesty. We connected a few times and then he got into a relationship that he and his partner wanted to keep closed. Again, fine. I wished him well and we corresponded occasionally on FB and via text.

Then, when that relationship started to go bad, the sext messages started. One day, when he was free and unhappy, he came to my bed again. And left with us both feeling unhappy about it, him guilty, me kinda cheap and dirty.

Our friendship stayed, that relationship died. He came to see me in the hospital last year, sitting with me in the Emergency Room after the fracture.

We stayed in touch. He met someone else and a new relationship started. Not closed this time, but he devoted his attention to it. And then the sexts started again. At one point, I told him I couldn't do it, that I couldn't be the also ran; the guy good enough to get naked with but not date. He understood and all was quiet a while.

But then he started to text me about the cracks in his new relationship. The partner's alcoholism and verbal abuse. They'd moved in together and shared bank accounts and the ties were wound tightly around them both.

I saw the pattern, recognized it for what it was, but gave in, whether out of desire or nostalgia or compassion, and he came to me yesterday. I gave myself to it, using my tongue to elicit my favourite kind of sex sounds. I made him cum, then held him as he talked about it all, then made him cum again. I don't know what he'll decide.

And I remain the one that wasn't right for him, and yet the one he always orbits back to when the ones that do seem to be right for him prove to be wrong.

Or maybe I'm just the safe port in the storm. Which isn't bad to be.

Sometimes.

on 2011-03-06 09:07 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] eric-mathgeek.livejournal.com
*hugs*.

To both of you.

on 2011-03-06 09:58 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chronicpaint.livejournal.com
I will happily take those :)

I'm actually not upset or uptight about it. I see him for who he is, a wonderful man who has not so wonderful taste in men. Which makes me feel just fine in him not choosing me ;)

on 2011-03-06 10:18 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] mark-shutterbug.livejournal.com
This sounds like the plot of a gay version of some bad Julia Roberts movie, except that you are not getting married at the end.

on 2011-03-07 07:51 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chronicpaint.livejournal.com
Hopefully, I'm better looking than Big Teeth Horsehead Girl, as one of my former bosses used to call her

on 2011-03-07 08:30 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] mark-shutterbug.livejournal.com
Please. In the gay version, everyone is hot. That includes you.

on 2011-03-07 08:49 pm (UTC)

on 2011-03-06 10:51 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com
Cut him off.

it's a brilliant post

on 2011-03-07 10:42 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] tkn1114.livejournal.com
Fabulous gayvella. Can I repost? Thank you in advance.

when he was free and unhappy I'm jealous of your vvriting talent. Hovv deviously brilliant is that phrase vvhich vvraps up this gay "disease" to the T. VVell, str8s do it, too. But gays are the specialists.

HUG.


on 2011-03-07 02:32 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kirbymiles.livejournal.com
I stay away from people who only know who I am when they have no one else at the moment.

However, this is just my thoughts and nothing more. If it works for you then that is all that matters.

on 2011-03-07 07:50 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chronicpaint.livejournal.com
He's a good guy. And I'm not in love with him and never will be. Not any more.

I'll make the naked decision if or when the opportunity presents again

on 2011-03-07 08:25 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kirbymiles.livejournal.com
My the nakedness guide you well :) (Usually north - LOL)

on 2011-03-07 08:49 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chronicpaint.livejournal.com
It may, it may not. Not sure what I'll say until the offer is made

I hate emotional boomrangs.

on 2011-03-07 05:48 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] weebax.livejournal.com
It phunks at your heart and sned off all the wrong signals.

*hugs*

I'll be cautous being around him. Be a good friend but keep in mind if you do get sexual with him then it's just that..sEX and no more if not don't do it....

Re: I hate emotional boomrangs.

on 2011-03-07 07:50 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chronicpaint.livejournal.com
My heart is safe from him. He's my friend, but I see him for who he is and the reasons we wouldn't work.

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